As a teacher, I can remember a student that I taught who would not engage in class at all. He showed no desire to learn or complete his assignments; he didn’t seem to care about anything. At this point, I was a newer teacher, and being an idiot, I wrote this kid off and said: “If he is not going to help himself than I cannot help him.” To this day, almost ten years later, it has been one of my biggest regrets. After the year concluded, I found out that this student was going through some significant family issues. I was devastated because I knew that I had lost a chance to impact this student. In essence, I had failed as a teacher. From that point forward, I decided that I would not let that happen again. I was determined to place a high value on relationships with my students.  

One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. James Cormer; he says, “No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship.” Relationships are at the heart of education, touching the heart of every student who comes into our classroom. However, I think that the importance of relationships is something that we know, but I don’t believe that we always practice. I know that I can say that is true for me as you could tell by my earlier story. 

It is true of all people, but especially true of this generation of students, they desire relationships. They are longing for it, and they need it desperately. So, this brings me to ask two questions, why do students have a such a deep desire for relationships and how are they looking to fulfill that desire, and secondly, why are relationships important in learning? Let’s dive in and see if we can shed some light on these questions. 

Why do Students Desire Relationships?

This is an important question for us to address, and the surface answer is relatively simple, it is how we are created. We are made to have relationships. We were never made to live in isolation; we have to have community. Even me, who is the biggest loner that one could ever meet, I need people. We all need other people, especially students.

On a deeper level, some issues are going on in this generation that shows a student’s desire to have a relationship, and I believe that the most significant is found in the home. According to the Family Research Council (FRC), nearly 55% of teens ages 15-17 do not live in an intact family. The FRC also found that 40% of all children born in the United States are born out of wedlock, and one-third of children live in single-parent homes. Growing up in a single-parent home places a student at high risk for low educational behavior such as lack of engagement, effort, and even drug and alcohol abuse. This is not to say that every student who comes from a single-parent household will struggle with these things. I have seen students on both ends of the spectrum: ones who struggle, and ones who determine that they will beat the odds and are highly successful. But, the fact remains, this lack of family relationships in our country has left a hole in many students, and they are seeking to fill it with something. 

This hole has left many students searching for a genuine connection, and it is often found in technology. Technology is a wonderful thing, and it should be embraced, or we will be left behind. This is the most connected generation ever, and often they cry out for relationships online through social media, YouTube, and other platforms. Common Sense Media stated that teens spend an average of nine hours a day on their smartphones. NINE! That is insane. The Pew Research group even found that many teens think this has become a problem for their generation. They found that 60% of teens ages 13 to 17 say that the amount of time that they spend on their phones is a significant problem.

This massive amount of technology use can lead to a whole host of other issues. One of the most dangerous aspects of technology is pornography. Most research agrees that the average age of first exposure to pornography is 11 years old, and 22% of children under ten have been exposed to pornography. According to Bitdefender, which is an internet safety and security company, 10% of clicks on major porn sites come from individuals under the age of 10. Now, I understand that this does not have a singular cause, but I believe that one of the issues that this stems from is a desire for relationship, and that desire going unmet. So, students turn to a cheap substitute to meet this innate desire.

This is a dangerous place for our student to be. Research has shown that students who spend more than five hours a day on their phones are 71% more likely to have a risk factor for suicide (Mir & Novas, 2019). Statistic after statistic seems to suggest that Gen Z is the most “connected” generation that we have seen, but they also suffer from the highest rates of depression and anxiety in the history of our nation. In a 2018 study, Pew Research gathered information from over 900 students and found that nearly 70% of teens said that they see mental health as a greater issue facing their generation than traditionally accepted issues such as unexpected pregnancy, drinking, and drugs. 

Why? In part, because we [adults] have neglected the significance of our relationship with students. One of the most cited reasons as to why students drop out of school is a lack of positive relationships with adults. Our students are hurting and desire connection, and it has led to them running to all kinds of counterfeits that exist in this world that will do nothing but destroy them. Let’s be better; let’s step in the gap and cultivate the relationships that they desire. 

How Do Relationships Affect Learning?

So, why are relationships vital to a student’s learning? In their research on teacher relationships and child adjustment, Pianta, Steinberg, and Rollins (1995) observed 436 students regarding the relationships that they exhibited with their teachers.  The researchers found that when students had a warm and more positive relationship with their teachers, they were better adjusted to succeed in the classroom compared to students who did not have positive relationships with their teachers.  Hamre and Pianta (2001) followed a sample of 179 students and found that when students experienced negative relationships with teachers in kindergarten, they displayed more negative behavioral and educational outcomes.  The researchers found that when students and teachers experienced positive relationships, the students often experienced high levels of motivation and engagement in academic and social undertakings.  In their review of previous research, Pianta, Hamre, and Allen (2012) argued that students who experience positive relationships with teachers often experience more success in their academic achievements and also display higher levels of academic engagement.

While completing my dissertation, I was researching how a teacher’s personality affects a student’s level of engagement. I interviewed high school students, and an interesting theme began to emerge as I analyzed the data that I gathered. I began to see that students were repeating the same concept over and over again. They brought up the topic in different ways and on different levels, but the theme was still present throughout the interviews. It was the idea of the student’s relationship with the teacher. This proved to be one of the most critical factors that affected student engagement and was at the heart of what the students wanted from their teachers.

Research and experience tell the story; students need positive relationships when it comes to their teachers. We cannot expect the students to instigate those relationships naturally, that is our job as teachers. In our classrooms, we are the initiators, either directly or indirectly. We either tell the students directly what to do, we guide discussion and conversation, but we are the ones initiating. The same principle applies to relationships; we have to make the first step. A student, especially one who does not have a reference for positive relationships with adults is not going to initiate that relationship. We must do that. 

Take a personal interest in them. Find out what the students like, sports, video games, reading, whatever it is, and deepen your knowledge on the topic and start a conversation. Go to their extracurricular events. It blows my mind how many teachers do not come to school activities in which their students are involved. I promise, they may not tell you how much it means to them, but it means the world that their teacher showed up. Make an effort. Tell your students you love them, because it might be the only time an adult tells them. 

I know this may seem like an uphill battle, and it is, but we still fight. Think about why you teach; is it for you or them. If the answer is for you, then get out of teaching, because you will never be fulfilled and be useless in creating relationships. But, when we make genuine connections with kids who seem unreachable, that is why we do what we do. I understand that creating relationships is hard, and it takes work, but our students are worth it.

References

Hamre, B., & Pianta, R. (2001). Early teacher-child relationships and the trajectory of children’s school outcomes through eighth grade. Society of Research in Child Development, 72(2), 625–638. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/1132418 

Mir, E. & Novas, C. (2019). Social Media, and Social Media and Adolescents’ and Young Adults’ Mental Health. National Centers for Health Research. http://www.center4research.org/social-media-affects-mental-health/

Pianta, R., Hamre, B., & Allen, J. (2012). Teacher-student relationships and engagement: Conceptualizing, measuring, and improving the capacity of interaction. In S. Christenson, A. Reschly, & C. Wylie (Eds.), Handbook of research on student engagement (pp. 365–386). New York, NY: Springer Science and Media. doi:10.1007/978-1-4614-2018-7_17

Pianta, R., Steinberg, M., & Rollins, K. (1995). The first two years of school: Teacher-child relationships and deflections in children’s classroom adjustment.Development and Pathology, 7(2), 295–312. doi:10.1017/5095479400006519